Monday, 6 October 2008

Dates - the edible kind

I like dates. I LOVE dates. Right or wrong, I eat a pile of them and count them towards my five a day fruit and vegetable quota, something I am fanatical about. I could easily sit and eat a bagful.

You're wondering why I'm telling you this? Well, here's why: as an alienated child, I was so firmly entrenched in believing the mendacious brainwashing of my alienating parent that until 2008 I wouldn't eat dates. My mother told me at some point that as a little child I loved dates. I was so convinced she was a liar that I wouldn't eat them.

Over the past 3 years, since the alienator/male parent disowned (my kids and) me, as I've mentioned in this blog, the layers of deceit have slowly been peeling themselves away from my mind. Once I learned from a third party that he was lying about ME, to cut a long story short, it made me realise that if he was lying about me, then it's possible he lied about my mother. It was akin to a house of cards falling: I have slowly been reassessing my relationship with my late mother and have seen what a monstrous act of crime he committed in telling his own child from the age of 6 until 35 that her mother didn't love her. He twisted everything she said and did, criminalized her in my mind, and made her out to be the ultimate deceiver. He led me to believe I was literally living with the devil. I had no trust for her whatsoever because according to him, she didn't love me, she just wanted to control me. Everything she said or did to me was based on that, so when she told me I used to love dates, I didn't believe her. I thought she was lying in order to make me eat something disgusting, to torment me for her own pleasure ... when guess who was truly doing that?!

5 comments:

Louise Uccio said...

Rowen,

Welcome back !!

Hey have a few dates for me!!

Louise

Anonymous said...

I have gone through the same thing. Ex husband was convicted of domestic violence on me. Convicted after divorce of child abuse on our son. Daughter has shared some things inappropriate with her and dad, but doesn't want to talk about it. A cousin of his said he raped her too. He came after custody. He is narcistic and charming. He began to let our teens do things that were wrong and when I told them no, he said yes. I became the bad guy. He would say...mom just doesn't understand. He then filed for custody and told the kids...you choose me or I will disown you. My son said, mom at least I know you love me. I have not choice. The counselor said, I was portrayed as all black...dad all white...no middle and no on is all good and all bad. I was shell=shocked.I have no convictions-nothing! My attorney said, you can still win this against your kids in court-but you win the battle-not the war. He will continue to undermine your parenting. The kids were literally destroying my home. I let them go. Now they are rude, cuss at me, treat me like garbage and act like they don't want to see me. I was told by one of my daughter's friends that the kids were told to raise hell at my house. Even when I gave them to him but received visitation. I can't live like this! Now they act like they hate coming to the house. I have always been involved in their lives, school, etc. I would have never thought this could have happened.

My two boys said...

Rowan, as a targeted parent who is being treated the same exact way that you described you treated your mother, I can assure you of two things. Your mother loved you from the bottom of her soul regardless of what you did to her. She wouldn't have placed blame on you - she would have wholeheartedly accepted your I'm sorry and she would have been relieved that the alienation was finally over. When you are sad, I guarantee that your mother is wrapping her arms around you from heaven. She doesn't want you to hurt so badly. All I want to hear from my boys is that they're sorry (for treating me so badly). I don't want them to find fault with their father. I want them to stop abusing me and finding fault with every single thing that I do. I want them to love me again, like they used to. I am so truly sorry for all your pain. I know it all too well. I thank G-d that I have the knowledge, from good people like you, who educate me on PA. Your blogs help so many targeted parents, more than you will ever know. I am so grateful that you share your experiences and feelings. You give me hope that one day my children will realize that I love them with everything I have and the lies they've been told are just that - lies. Congratulations on becoming strong!! What an awesome person you are. Your mother is so proud of you for sure.

Rindas2mom said...

I totally understand. I cooked something last week that I hadn't made since 2001 solely because it was one of my stepdaughter's absolute favorite dishes. As an adult survivor of parental alienation I know the damage caused by this horrible form of child abuse. My husband & I are the target parents of PA however my stepdaughter is the true victim !!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am gleaning hope from yours and other's alienated children's stories.
I am currently the TP. It has been 4 1/2 years since my son refused to come back home to me. I consistantly keep trying to contact him. I know in his heart he loves me, and I will never give up.
I am currently writing a book on the perspective of the alienated parent. I am looking for inspirational stories for my book. Stories from TP's and AC's alike that will give hope to other TP's.
In my past research everything I have read has been so depressing and hopeless sounding.
I refuse to believe that there is not another way...and that we can't find some success stories out there.
We need hope and positive thinking. TP's need the strength to carry on and to keep reaching out to the CA even when we continuously get ignored or shot down.
If anyone can help me...please pass on some great stories.
joannecasselton@hotmail.com

thank you