Thursday, 8 November 2007

Response to comments

Anonymous said...
My children were alienated from me in 2001 they were then young teenagers. Last week one of them[ almost 20 years old] contacted a relative and asked if it would be ok for them to come over knowing I was on my way there. The visit was cordial, better than it's been in years] What do you make of this?

07 November 2007 12:54

Rowan Blackwood said...
I think it's a good start. It's hard for me to know what to say other than what I'd want if I were that child. I think I'd want to ask questions in my own time, rather than be told. If I were them, I'd want to hear "I love you" and "I'm proud of you". I wouldn't want to have anything forced on me in the way of gushing love or explanations etc. Your child is an adult - I'd just want an adult conversation with my parent. Smiles. A hug at the end with "I love you". Nothing over the top. Something relaxed and respectful. Good luck. This sounds promising! My email address is on my profile page.

Can I put this in the main blog or do you want it to remain in the comments section?

07 November 2007 14:17

Rowan Blackwood said...
Addition: I wouldn't want the subject of the split/divorce/alienation etc to come up unless I myself mentioned it. Your child is meeting you to find out if you're what the ex says you are. By being yourself, relaxed and calm and respectful (towards the ex, if necessary), you're demonstrating that you are a friend, not an enemy, and that's what your child wants to find out.

07 November 2007 14:19

Anonymous said...
Thank you!
That was what I thought.

I did everything but the hug and the I love you, I was afraid it was to soon.

Like you said, in their own time. I'll be here waiting with open arms.

You can post this where ever you like.

Thank you again your blog helps many of us alienated parents more than you know!

07 November 2007 16:02

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi. Thanks for the blog. It's very enlightening. My DH is the worlds nicest person. His ex is a nasty narcissist. Really, she's mean and not just to us.

She's been turning my husbands kids against him for years. The were so HATEFUL towards me after I was super kind to them.

I guess I am wondering is why can't the his kids look at him and see how sweet and nice he is and how nasty she is? Why do they choose to believe her and not him.

When he tried to explain that the lies she was telling them were in fact lies, his daughter said "I don't believe you." Yet when I told her what a good man her Father was, she said "I know."

He has them most of the time and has ENDLESS patience with them. I've checked out. They were stomping around our house saying "you owe me" and expecting us to pay for everything while they show zero appreciation. We don't pay for anything now. We want them to understand they cannot use us for money. It's a trait they got from their mother.

Did you do any of this as a child? Can you help me understand because really, I just don't like them anymore and want nothing to do with them.