Monday, 12 November 2007

To parental alienators and alienated parents ... here's what I'm laughing about

I have just realised this. It's what I'm sat here laughing hysterically about. In the end, the alienator lost. It may have taken decades, but he failed.

No matter what you alienators do, your kids will love the other parent forever.

They may not act like it but you will NEVER erase their love for their other parent. No matter how much you manipulate them or lie to them or deceive yourself, you will not win. They may be angrier than a ticked off bee for years, decades, even but deep down, that child of yours LOVES their other parent! Even if you cut them off from the target parent and move across the world/country, whatever. Even if your children never see their other parent again, they will still love them!

You will never stop them loving their other parent, even when you make them think that parent is evil.



And I know that because I am one of those kids.


Louise said...

I love your blogs, I live for them actually!

Alienated parents all over the world will be estatic to hear these words...

Your my hero thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Hi! Rowan,

Thank you for sharing this, I am sure it has helped many alienated parents in giving them the strength to hold on.

We need more of you that have experienced PA to speak out form the children’s point of view and the problems it has caused you/them.
We need to get this out to media, therapist, judges and any professionals that can help end this terrible for of abuse.

We need to take the blinders of and be strong and speak out to educate and end this to help prevent this from happening.

I also second Louise comment you are hero!

I suggest you go out to www there is an internet show on here called Children Need Both Parents and also Get off the bench both of these show talk about PA and other issue in family break up by the courts and government.

Thanks again!

Bob B

Rowan Blackwood said...

Thank you both. I don't feel like a hero. I feel pretty evil sometimes, because of how I treated my mother. I feel more ashamed than you would believe, at the moment.

I appreciate your comments and welcome anything you have to say/ask about this blog. Feel free to send the url around. I'm not actively advertising it, I'm just waiting for people to find it.


Louise said...


You are more of a hero that you ever imagined.

I'm sure your mom would be proud of you for what you have come to realize in your adult life, there is no need to feel evil, you were brainwashed and it wasn't your fault.

As for passing around your blog, you are doing a great job, your name is tossed around a lot by alienated parents.

Everyone of us is greatful for your words.


Jeff said...

Hi Rowan...

Thanks for this. My son is 18 now.
I lost him to alienation more than seven years ago. I'd like to hope he thinks the way you do.

I have a blog too. Could you please post something at All the alienated Moms and Dads who write will be grateful for your perspective.

Thanks again,


Rowan Blackwood said...

Have looked at your site briefly once, am going back there now. Thanks Jeff. RB

Fathers have feelings too said...

Hi Rowan,

I just hope you are right and that one day my children will come around and see me.

Thanks for a great post it will give many parents hope for the future :)

Anonymous said...

Well, all I can say is thanks, as well. For years now, I've scoured the internet to find articles about PA and all are from the point of view of targeted parents, legal people, psychologists and counselors and the like. Which is fine but is meaningless after a while, especially when all the dry, clinical writing in the world won't stop the abuse from happening. Yours is the first I've run into from the point of view of the one it hurts most. The child, grown up, now an adult, with the slow, creeping, subtle manifestations of the havoc PA creates in a human being. Or at least my husband and I have always speculated is going to happen to his son. Your words give us pain and hope at the same time.

My husband's son is still in the process of being mindf**ked by his mother. He's 14 going on 15. For years now, I've stood by his side as we've tried to get SOMEBODY to listen to what we were saying. The legal process is still going on. It's complicated but then, in a situation like this, it's always complicated because it works on smoke and mirrors, innuendo and doubt. With physical abuse, you have a picture, a doctor's report, something you can see and measure as "proof" that abuse took place. In this case, there's only the wreckage left behind, the confusion, the tension, the illogical encounters that leave you wondering just what the hell is going on?

Your words are heroic words, even if you're still dealing with feelings of shame. Just know that it helps keep us going on and validates that we're doing the right thing by hanging in there, no matter what.

All the best

I'm just a MOM said...

Hello, I just found your blog. It's beem very comforting. I didn't realize until recently that I have been a mild alienator to my son.

That realization came when my ex-husband coerced him into running away and turned him completely against me.

I am heart-sick over the part I played, not realizing what it was. But I'm heart-broken because within only 2 months my son was telling he that he hates me. That I don't and never did love him. That my ex and his wife are the only parents he has. That I'm a liar, that I am evil.

Thank you for helping me understand how this damage is done.

Rindas2mom said...

I pray that will be true in our case that "alienated kids love the target parents" We have been living in the darkness of parental alienation since 2001. My stepdaughter's indifference to her dad and I was so hurtful but now at age 16 her outright hate and rage toward us is unbearable !

Anonymous said...

My ex slowly abandoned my daughter and became increasingly hostile toward me over the years. He moved far away and stopped spending time with her, stopped attending her events, etc. He fought hard to avoid child support payments. He convinced our daughter that the reason he behaves this way is because I alienated him from her. He used PAS material to convince her of this. She fell into the trap and has been alienated from me for many years now even though I assumed primary custody because he left the region. I have been raising her the best I can under these conditions. It's been a terrible experience and I'm so worried for my daughter. Thanks for your blog.

Anonymous said...

A comment to ImJustAMom: I thought I was also an alienator, but I came to read material on Threatened Mother Syndrome and I think this is a more accurate description of the negative/destructive behavior I showed early after the divorce; I was terrified and had alone as a new mother (I have no family), and my ex's erratic abusive behavior continually intimidated me and made me fear for my own loss of control and the alienation of my child. This blog owner has said that her mum's poor coping 'played into his hands' and that is exactly what my ex thrived upon as he created continued chaos in my home life that drove me to my breaking point again and again.

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Thank you for this gift! This is so important for targeted parents to read! Parental alienation is just awful. This post will also help parents suffering from a similar problem discussed by Dr. Ira Turkat called Divorce Related Malicious Parent Syndrome. Excellent job!